Music Jokes: Vocalists

We’re starting this series of musical jokes back up with vocalists. This includes jokes that relate to professionals, and some jokes that are specific to amateur singers. I think that these are actually really good.
You can see the previous post, on percussion, here.

What’s the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
Puts on her clothes and goes home.
What’s the next thing a soprano does in the morning?
Looks for her instrument.
What’s the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.
What’s the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sightread.
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They can’t get that high.
How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven’t been touched.
What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
Hold out a check (but don’t be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).
What is the difference between the men’s final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance?
The tennis final has more men.
How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
I found all of these jokes on the website http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/
Visit it if you want to see even more musical jokes. I just thought these were the best.
As always, please leave comments, what were your favourite jokes, what didn’t you like? Do you know any others?
Come back in three days for the conclusion to my series of musical jokes.
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